Sunday, February 10, 2008

Half a teacher


The teacher training program is half way over. Midterm is tomorrow and I haven´t started studying. I am struggling with how authoritative the program is. I am ok with the diet modifications, the early mornings and the lack of free time, but one of the Swami´s presents yoga philosophy in a very dogmatic way. I perceive her teachings as closed-minded and judgmental, the lessons really come across the wrong way. I am not the only one who is having this reaction. I appreciate and want to further study Patangali´s Yoga Sutras, but it’s a struggle to keep an open mind in those classes. I think I´d be more comfortable in naked yoga than Raja Yoga class right now. The Swami is also a devote Catholic and her teachings are filtered through that lens. I think Yoga can support any religion, but I like the one truth, many paths approach. Makes me laugh, because I really don´t like unnecessary rules. Remember the coach at Umass basketball camp? Hobbers and Cate and Corey should remember the run in I had with him on movie night.
A few of us spoke to the main Swami, Ramananda, about it after breakfast (day off, only chance to grab a few free minutes) so maybe some things will change. He could really provide a balance to her lectures and I respond well to him. Ramanada is able to meet the students where they are, rather than floating above and giving commandments like the female Swami.

I neglected to look enough into Integral Yoga before I applied. On top of that, I was mistakenly skipped for a phone interview and just let in. If I had read or heard about how much spirituality was involved, I probably would not have signed up. I went for this one because it was tropical, less expensive than the Shiva Rae´s TT and provided a convenient, hard date for me to leave my job. It’s funny that I skipped over the spiritual element, but I am here now and very happy.

Our setting has turned into ¨Real World- Yogaville¨. With all the physical release and meditations, expressions of emotions and frustrations are flowing. Each person brings their own baggage. Especially the woman who is detoxing from a serious pot addiction. Her casita started out as the only other one with 4 people in it, and now it’s just her. She is very difficult, but a beautiful person as well. Thankfully, our 4 person casita is working well together. It’s a supportive place to deal with the emotions. I like talking to two of the girls here who are in relationships and dealing with the ¨crazy¨. It’s something I´ve exhibited in the past. Probably driven by insecurity, the need to feel coddled and loved and getting upset over issues that aren´t a big deal. I never do that with colleagues or friends, but I do with boyfriends. It´s scary to see older, very together and accomplished women living the ¨crazy¨ right now, but also good to talk about it and try to address it. That whole don´t call or pick a fight when you are mad thing and try to figure it out first is such sound advice. Yet, it’s a slippery slope when you get mad about one little thing and then it’s so easy to just keep adding too it. It´s embarrassing, but I totally exhibit the crazy with Herby before I moved to South Carolina. He´s such a good guy to deal with that.

It seems like most of the participants live in a world of anger, sadness or food. I am certainly in the food theme park within my mind. But I didn´t need to come here to know that.


Today I did get a chance to really go swimming. Kate, Jamie and I didn´t swim too far because it started raining and thundering (sunny now, weather changes ever 5 minutes and a strong wind comes off the lake almost in a moment). It was the longest open swim for me since that horrible experience in the dog park in Charleston during a sprint triathlon. So excited to find I like swimming again and I´m not too scared of what might be lurking. I have spent a few of the sunrise meditations watching the 4-5 foot fish that chase after the little ones around the dock. Everyone else has their eyes closed and is focusing the mind, but nature is my focus when I can´t concentrate on one-pointedness. I love predators so of course I have to watch the fish.

I plan to swim as much as I can over the next two weeks. Here´s a picture of the sky before we got in, a half hour later when we transferred to the hot tub, the storm was crazy. Yes, I know that lightning and any body of water doesn´t mix well, but I love hot tubing in the rain.




1 comment:

cmm said...

Molly frustrated with authority!? I will never forget you vs. Coach McBride, so I can see you vs. Yogi Coach. All and all sounds like an awesome experience. Plus, it's 16 degrees outside here right now, so I think you're in the right place!