Scuba Steve

Ok, so sweat lodge was great. Didn't cry, but realized I don't need to. I am perfectly ok with being my happy self. It was emotional for some other people though. Glad to be there holding the safe space for them. I stayed for all four doors, but sometime during the third door I found myself patting mother earth for comfort. Felt a little drugged, but still love the experience. And the moon was halfway done with the eclipse when I emerged almost 3 hours later. Would love to do it again and again; the group and the leader certainly made it special though. Officially became a yoga teacher last Friday. Parents came down to pick me up on Saturday and we took a boat ride around the Laguna Bacalar with Kate and Vonni. Lazy river channel floating was the highlight.

Now in Belize where I have found a huge love of SCUBA. I want to dive and dive all the time. While in the Jungle (ok, when Internet is not so expensive and I don't want to run outside and dive in the ocean, I'll say more about Belize. The jungle was awesome, ruins and caving. Have great pictures of skeletons that we climbed 4 hours in a cave to see. ) Well, I met this girl Emily just back from her second round in Iraq. She recommend I meet up with this guy Steve at the beach to go diving. So I went to Jam-Bell and asked for Fritz, the owner. He gave me his cell to call Steve and now I go diving all day long with Steve and his son Steve. Scuba Steves. Tomorrow I will be certified, no pool dives involved, just in the ocean and what an ocean it is down here. Today is stormy and rough and we went out past the barrier reef. Huge waves, bigger than I have ever been in. They said normal people would have been scared. Loved every second of it. It's so magical down there. Hooked.

I passed!

Here´s a picture of us studying on Friday night.

So excited! We had a written exam (quite easy) on Saturday morning. Piece of cake, just needed to learn some of the sutras and answer some questions about the yogic diet, meditation techniques and how to incorporate yamas (abstinences) and niyamas (observances) into my life. Then yesterday, I taught my qualifying class at 6:50 in the morning. It went really well and I can´t wait to teach. I hope I can remember and even improve my teaching over the next few months in Mexico. In the meantime, my family will be subjected to many classes next week. I need to see how I work with people who aren´t also yoginis, people who don´t know where I am going with each pose. Now just classes on marketing yoga, yeah still probably my favorite part, and guidance for those making the transition from yoga heaven to their regular lives.

We have been fasting all day for a full moon sweat lodge tonight. I still haven´t let sad emotions out so maybe tonights the night.

And here´s a picture of the sweat lodge, don´t know how we are all going to fit. Group bonding- like we need any more of that. I love the support I get and give down here. Its a really loving group.

Loving it

Another great jump at the Cenote today. My form is improving greatly. Here is as picture of Jamie and me with the sign that says don´t jump. Oops! And yes, I look like I am middle aged in my sun-blocking shirt.

We talked to the Swami´s and the preaching stopped. Now the Sutras are just presented as good guidelines that we can think about, try out and keep if they agree with us. Much better.

I can´t believe I only have 10 more days of the program. Today was the first day I stood up an taught the whole group (16 people). It felt wonderful. I love to give presentations and I like to tell people what to do so I think this is a great job. I am starting to see myself as a teacher when I couldn´t imagine that only a few weeks ago. The program works. And I love anatomy. The body is so cool. Amazing. We studied the digestive system last night. And then related it to yoga poses and the yogic diet. These yogis sure have interesting ideas about eating. Most of it sounds pretty good. Chew food lots, vegetarian, natural whole foods, organic when possible. Don´t eat when you are still digesting the last meal. Have positive thoughts in your mind when you eat. Don´t drink liquids when you eat because it dilutes digestive juices and cools your digestive fire. Working well for me so far.


So I just received an email from this place I am thinking of living at in April: http://www.karacadir.com/
In addition to helping with projects and the garden, they said I would be in charge of two donkeys and two dogs. Hmm, what do you think? Can I hack it? Do I want to? I am getting over many fears (swam in lake every day since I found out I could swim- today was 18 minutes straight) but not sure I am ready for camping and farm animals. Plus, I want to be near some waves.

video of jump at cenote

Clearly I have no control over my body parts while in the air. I have much more respect for divers.

Half a teacher

The teacher training program is half way over. Midterm is tomorrow and I haven´t started studying. I am struggling with how authoritative the program is. I am ok with the diet modifications, the early mornings and the lack of free time, but one of the Swami´s presents yoga philosophy in a very dogmatic way. I perceive her teachings as closed-minded and judgmental, the lessons really come across the wrong way. I am not the only one who is having this reaction. I appreciate and want to further study Patangali´s Yoga Sutras, but it’s a struggle to keep an open mind in those classes. I think I´d be more comfortable in naked yoga than Raja Yoga class right now. The Swami is also a devote Catholic and her teachings are filtered through that lens. I think Yoga can support any religion, but I like the one truth, many paths approach. Makes me laugh, because I really don´t like unnecessary rules. Remember the coach at Umass basketball camp? Hobbers and Cate and Corey should remember the run in I had with him on movie night.
A few of us spoke to the main Swami, Ramananda, about it after breakfast (day off, only chance to grab a few free minutes) so maybe some things will change. He could really provide a balance to her lectures and I respond well to him. Ramanada is able to meet the students where they are, rather than floating above and giving commandments like the female Swami.

I neglected to look enough into Integral Yoga before I applied. On top of that, I was mistakenly skipped for a phone interview and just let in. If I had read or heard about how much spirituality was involved, I probably would not have signed up. I went for this one because it was tropical, less expensive than the Shiva Rae´s TT and provided a convenient, hard date for me to leave my job. It’s funny that I skipped over the spiritual element, but I am here now and very happy.

Our setting has turned into ¨Real World- Yogaville¨. With all the physical release and meditations, expressions of emotions and frustrations are flowing. Each person brings their own baggage. Especially the woman who is detoxing from a serious pot addiction. Her casita started out as the only other one with 4 people in it, and now it’s just her. She is very difficult, but a beautiful person as well. Thankfully, our 4 person casita is working well together. It’s a supportive place to deal with the emotions. I like talking to two of the girls here who are in relationships and dealing with the ¨crazy¨. It’s something I´ve exhibited in the past. Probably driven by insecurity, the need to feel coddled and loved and getting upset over issues that aren´t a big deal. I never do that with colleagues or friends, but I do with boyfriends. It´s scary to see older, very together and accomplished women living the ¨crazy¨ right now, but also good to talk about it and try to address it. That whole don´t call or pick a fight when you are mad thing and try to figure it out first is such sound advice. Yet, it’s a slippery slope when you get mad about one little thing and then it’s so easy to just keep adding too it. It´s embarrassing, but I totally exhibit the crazy with Herby before I moved to South Carolina. He´s such a good guy to deal with that.

It seems like most of the participants live in a world of anger, sadness or food. I am certainly in the food theme park within my mind. But I didn´t need to come here to know that.


Today I did get a chance to really go swimming. Kate, Jamie and I didn´t swim too far because it started raining and thundering (sunny now, weather changes ever 5 minutes and a strong wind comes off the lake almost in a moment). It was the longest open swim for me since that horrible experience in the dog park in Charleston during a sprint triathlon. So excited to find I like swimming again and I´m not too scared of what might be lurking. I have spent a few of the sunrise meditations watching the 4-5 foot fish that chase after the little ones around the dock. Everyone else has their eyes closed and is focusing the mind, but nature is my focus when I can´t concentrate on one-pointedness. I love predators so of course I have to watch the fish.

I plan to swim as much as I can over the next two weeks. Here´s a picture of the sky before we got in, a half hour later when we transferred to the hot tub, the storm was crazy. Yes, I know that lightning and any body of water doesn´t mix well, but I love hot tubing in the rain.

Taking the plunge

Ok, well I didn´t make it to Cenote Azul on Sunday, but I was kidnapped by a taxi driver. We went and voted for the state president, then picked up another woman, then pick up his two year old boy and finally headed back to my hotel. Yes, I got a dicount on the regular $3 cab fare. It was nice to talk to him, 90% of the conversation was about soccer.


I am still loving it here, but living in the jungle is getting a little tiresome. My hands and feet look like they have been struck with terrible poisin ivy, but its actually just dozens of ant bites. I have angered the ant world and wherever I go, I get bite. Night meditations draw a little Eat Pray Love inspiration as the mosquitos hover about. And all the stuff is damp- my clean clothes, the papers I study from, our sheets. Plus I have ´tourista´and its been going on for 6 days. No regrets here though- its still awesome.


Today we had the afternoon off and I did make it to the Cenote. Jamie encoraged me to climb up on the roof of the restaurant with her and jump into the swimming hole. It was a concrete diving board (well, it acted like a diving board) at least 20 feet high. It seemed a lot higher when I was up there. I have a great video of the jump and I´ll try to figure out how to post it soon.


The schedule is still tough at yoga camp. Mid-term is on Monday. I am learning so much more anatomy than I expected and its pretty cool. The teachers really plan out their lectures well.


I was the last one in the class to lead the ¨Hari Om¨chant- I don´t know how I made it that far under the radar. I was nervous to chant out loud by myself, but it was great to finally hear my voice alone.


The detox and mediations and daily yoga have allowed many other students to have strong emotional releases. For me, there are three possible situations. 1. I am stone cold and unemotional. 2. I am so happy inside that there is nothing to release (dad did mention at the AFC champ game that I was a very happy drunk) or 3. my breakdown is on its way.


We are now the only casita with 4 people in in. The rest have 2 or less. Thankfully we are all getting along well and I really like the girls I live with.


We did resort to princess beds, mosquito nets, when we discovered the laughing geckos also cover the beds with poop. I am heading back to get some studying in on our night off.

First real break

After morning hatha practice and meditation, Sundays are free days. I really needed a break, even if I won´t get to watch the Superbowl tonight. Later on we are going to Cenotes Azul for some cave swimming and then, bless her spirit, a massage therapist is going to work my sore body. She´s another student in the class and has the calmest voice- she should record relaxation cds or bedtime books for children. Here are some photos from my day in Cancun and two days in Playa del Carmen. I love taking long walks along beaches that seem to go on forever. And here´s a picture of the last meat I ate before I went vegetarian, it was chicken on a tostada that I bought at a bus stop on the way to Bacalar.
With all the classes and lectures and learning how to teach the asanas, it´s overwhelming. Then they start in with the philosophy of yoga, that´s intense. I´ll try to explain more of those lessons when I have a clearer grasp myself, so maybe in 20 years or so...
It´s great to get some runs in during lunch break- I´ll have to snap photos of the highway though, cars go way to fast for the two small lanes. The sides are littered with trash and lovely lizards.
I am really happy and I feel more like myself than I have in years. The stress of work and identifying myself by what I do has disappeared. I feel much more connected and compassionate towards others and nature. It´s awesome and a lot of my aggression had left, but hopefully not all my drive because I´ll need to pay for some kind of health insurance when I return. I couldn´t be happier about my decision to come here. Integral Yoga is certainly more than I had signed up so, its lifestyle that goes well beyond just yoga postures.